I started to write this blog because I thought it could be fun and quite a challenge updating it. I also believed that it would allow my friends, spread all over the world, to be updated about my whereabouts without having to phone me or wait for an email. Although I am very faithful and constant- I even still call every other year my childhood friends.
Now when you keep a blog, a few things happen. One, you get unwanted messages. Like spam porn and other funny things- I am still amazed at the number of emails I receive that promise me that my penis will be bigger or my sex life enhanced. The fact that ” James” is in my address and email address sems to be confusing. I even received an email from my broker that started with: Dear James…How easy. What about checking the actual real name of your customers? If I had put ” Batman” in my address, would I have received ” Dear Batman”?. I might try that. Will I still be offered to have my penis enlarged? Am I swiftly being transported in a new sci-fi age I totally ignored existed?
Okay, now two: you get lots of responses. One of my best friends told me she loved reading my blog as it wasn’t boring. She confessed that she has another friend who updates her blog, bless her, every day. But the content shows why: she has nothing to do. All she relates about is how she put her make up on and what she did during the day. Subject number one: her children. And how wonderful they are. It seems that the more I was hearing about it, the less I wanted to know. Why? Because we are all the same. It may be comforting to learn that so and so does the same things that you do, like eat blue cheese in the morning on a baguette and brushes her teeth BEFORE breakfast. Wow. That’s news. Keep me updated please, I need more. No kidding I am sure that some people do find comfort in these types of blog- as they feel lonely. But what is the point really? For the blogger it sort of seems that he/ she is throwing a bottle in the sea. Maybe someone, in this big wide world, will pick it up, and oh miracle, will actually respond to it. This has as many chances to happen than to win the lottery – and it is a very overstated guess. Now if you want to get more responses, I suggest you have a face lift with pictures on every step of your recovery or that you become Perez Hilton. Well my blog does get responses and quite a few reactions. It seems that my report on Bobbi Brown’s book was a winner between women over the age of 31. I had to discuss the merits of ageing versus the ones of using every possible means to deny it, the weight of society – the blame was largely put on men on this one, although I would have thought that it is up to the women themselves to decide what they should really do about it.I had to compare the benefits of cutting your hair as soon as you hit 41 against being wild and crazy and keeping it long- by the way, mine is now reaching my breast and I intend to grow it longer. Anyway, the bottom line is that my blog seemed to have triggered a lot of fun.
I had a look around though. Now you have my space.com & Facebook.com, secondlife.com and so on. The more the merrier I guess. But what amazes me is how open and careless all these people are. In a simple click of the mouse you find out – in one page- who they are, where they live, what they like and dislike, where they go to party, if they are druggies or swingers, and so on and so forth. I am not talking about the ones desperate enough to have pages and pages of friends they actually don’t know, but I bet they think they are cool. No one seems to think that their boss might one day check these pages. ” I love: Robbie Williams, getting drunk and shoes” says one. Another one makes the list of his likes and loves; interestingly enough, there is no mention of his long term girlfriend. This other couple posted – separately- that he wants kids, but she doesn’t. And I am not talking about the ex who lists an incredible list of books, movies and cds that you used to love at the time you were together – and have probably ceased to like since you both split up. Pathetic, in a way. But terribly fascinating. These people are opening their life to unknowns who may not be friendly but they don’t seem to communicate much with their life partners. How conscious are they of their underlying relationship contract?. That’s what I’d like to know.
I have even witnessed discussions via skype – i.e. instant communication – where things were said and totally ignored. Then you come back to the subject and your interlocutor seems to struggle to understand something you told him previously, as if sending a message has simply become sufficient to sustain the communication. The meaning becomes unimportant.
At the end of the day, it is not only what you do that counts, it is what you are that makes a difference. And it seems to me that among this sea of words that never dies nobody really knows. And nobody really cares.

I have a teenager at home. You know, one of those who says ” HHun”- this strange sound that comes from the roof of the mouth and at the same time the back of the throat. In three years time, I’ll have 3 teenagers at home. People recoil in horror when they hear this. They warn me of all the miseries that await me- the mood swings, the silence, the lack of dialog, the porn magazines under the bed, the odd transformation of your lovely cute children into strange and unpleasant alien entities who take your home for a very cheap hotel.
Well, people, I’ve got news for you. I love teenagers.And so far – I’ve had plenty of experience with them thanks to unconscious or simply fed up parents who send them to me for the summer holidays in order to have a chance to catch up with sleep, sex, spring clean up and a marriage on the verge of divorce- not always in this order.
I love teenagers because:
– When they go through this phase of turmoil, you know you’ve done your job right. If they don’t have their crisis before 20, you can bet they will have it later. This means they will have then more money, more freedom and less common sense ( or scrutiny from their parents) and will in consequence do drugs, catch if possible all of the sexual diseases that rule the planet and instead of saving money for their retirement or paying back their mortgage they will drink it and buy expensive handbags.
– They are having a hard time. I see you blink. ” What?” you say. ” Hard time? Them? What should I say?!”. Well this is not about you. And trust me, the kids have it rough. You have forgotten all about it – so let me explain. When hormones start to kick in and your beloved child starts growing hairy patches all over his/ her body (although in the female case you may soon discover when you razor disappear that this goes more or less unnoticed as girls are supposed to get rid of it as fast as possible), more changes occur that you may not be aware of. Their brains for example starts expanding again. The sad results is that the connections of the brains get messy for a while as it takes some time for them to develop and reconnect properly- and a lot of sugar. This fact doesn’t usually go unnoticed as the teenager starts answering to all questions/ injunctions/ verbal exchange with the well know expression :” Hhhhuun?”. Worse, things that took the ever patient parents 12 years to teach him/her seem now to have been lost in the stratosphere. They don’t remember how to make their bed, load the dishwasher or get properly washed themselves; they seem to be unable to answer simple demands or have the slightlest hint of humor- unless it is at your own expense and sotto voce; worse still, their homework is the last thing on their minds and sex the first ( if sex is not, start searching their rooms for drugs). This process is more or less long- depending of how much catching up their brain has to do. So now, not only they have to deal with a world they barely understand and a body that looks like a horror movie ( let’s not talk about the pizza face that might magically appear in their mirror without warning), they have to deal with you. Because there is one thing you may not know: the release of these hormones is faster that the extension of the brain connections. The result is that most of the reality of their day – and most of their teenage years- will get simply erased from their memory. Some facts may survive if there is a specific reason ( accident, death, heartbreak) until adult age, but most of it gets lost forever.
– Teenagers are caught up between childhood and grown up time. It means that they still have moments where they don’t want to be responsible for their actions and/ or future but at the same time, they are showing signs of individual conscience . It means that they may react about the pollution of the earth, the political environment, the eradication of the rainforest but truly not care about your electricity bill or your efforts to separate your recycle bin items from the non recycle one. The sad truth is that they don’t know what they want ( there is a lack of experience there) but they know they don’t want to be, well, like you. By the way, do you have any reason to want them to be like you? This might give you an excellent opportunity to question yourself and your childhood dreams- and blow a fuse and buy a new jag. The dialog can turn sour very quickly if you try to double guess every sentence that is fired at you. Think computer, answer linear. Don’t be afraid to set limits ( the shouting and abuse you’ll get from it will let you know if you’ve gone too far, just measure the decibels) and let them know what is on your mind. A little introspection may not hurt. If you are sincere, you can always try to explain that being a parent is a hard job as you have just one go at it and no practice beforehand. Setting up rules that you discuss calmly is not a bad idea. Stick to your ground when it is important for you. But let them have some new freedom- with a limited responsability.
– Teenagers are into discovery mode. That includes drugs, sex, and all kind of fun that you have forgotten about which is usually immoral, illegal or fattening. Happy life mode. Do not expect schools to be their guardians. Do not believe that their friends are cuter than your own kid is ( they hide the ones you would hate- they are not stupid). Do not wait for problems to happen. Prevention works quite well. Have an open discussion about drugs. Drugs are highly enjoyable. If you tell them otherwise, they will never trust you again because 1) they either have heard the opposite from the mouth of someone else or 2) if they ever give it a go, they will probably like it and will instantly come up to the conclusion that you told them a bunch of lies – and any other good advice you will have sprinkled in their minds over the years will be lost. So what do you do? You tell them the truth. Can be: I’ve never done drugs because…Can be: I tried drugs and came to the conclusion that…Or: I am still doing drugs and look at the result today ( this works beautifully). I have personnally explain to all the kids I know that I’ve tried drugs – twice – in my life and although I did enjoy my first time, I didn’t like the addictive feeling it produced. Plus there is a dark side of drugs. They produces endorphines and nice sensations which actually start decreasing the production of the same by your own brain. You then feel depressed or down when your brain doesn’t do its job – hey, why make the effort when it can get it just like that?. The situation of course worsens and that’s why you end up with people having, at best, mood swings and loss of memory, at worst, dying alone in the gutter. Plus never forget that depending of the drug, your first shot could be your last. It’s like Russian roulette, you never know when your number is up. It can be the 31st, the 1004th, whatever…But it always come up. These simple facts may seem trivial but if they are delivered before some bozo tells them otherwise ( and teenage colleagues are really persuasive), the inprint in their mind might be more powerful than any speech in the schoolyard. If you have a live example to offer- such as a relative or the acquaintance as a friend who’s a real junkie who’s spent half of his life in prison, do not hesitate to introduce the two to each other. Most drug addicts, if asked, are more than happy to help you keep your kids off the street. They are a powerful influence in this instance. Sadly sex addicts and serial daters have the opposite effect, so beware.
– Teenagers are a really interesting species. They catch up with tecnological progress so fast that if you listen carefully you’ll be soon the crack of the office. Their questions usually hit the chore of any problem and they can have quite original solutions to your problems- if you have any. The moments where you can talk to each other without any resentment or animosity can be really precious and it is basically your last chance to discover who your child really is. If you have the energy to follow his daily events ( and you’re able to relax about the school performance) you may build a bond that will last forever.
– Teenagers are our future. You have to trust them as they will be the ones choosing your nursing homes in a few years time. Keep that in mind when you interact with them. By the way, most kids – whatever the age- have a tendency to learn by osmosis, i. e. by what you show them and what you do. Forget what you say, most of it is considered bollocks. Keep this in mind too.

I know you, parents, are having a rough time too. Well done, it means you’ve done your job. The end of the road is not near, but this is going to be a crucial phase for both of you. A little planning never hurts. A little love goes a long way. And an eye open is worth a thousand words.
Good luck, to all of you.

My lovely husband is forcing me to share his company with hundreds of unknowns. He’s setting up his practice of hypnotherapy and NLP in Ipswich- where we live now. He has been quite successful at it – to the point that I am getting worried he might end up with a fan club. To be honest I admire his skills – and the fact that he was not afraid to treat a patient who had Alzheimer, a thing I had never heard of before in NLP. His patience and compassion are great – and his ability to find solutions to any sort of problems absolutely astonishing. He’s able to cure phobias in about 5 minutes sharp. His ability to help people to quit smoking is so good that I may open soon a second hand cigarettes shop – as his clients are handing him their unused cigarettes ansd their lighters. We have quite a pile now in our living room and I am considering starting to smoke and getting the kids on it in order to diminish it. Only kidding.
Anyone interested can contact him through his website: http://www.entrance.me.uk
Please, do not call in the evening – I would like to have a family life- after 8pm. He is a nice guy but I am a bitch and have a tendency to reclaim my territory.
Oh, yes, I forgot: of course he does it on me, how else could I otherwise say that he’s good? I told you before – I backtest everything.

So I decided to give my husband – and also my father-in-law – a hand and started working on our house too.
I was asked to strip. With my father-in-law. Together. And of course nobody would pay me. So here I went, i strated stripping doors and doors frames, first with some chemical – it is long and it sucks- then with sort of a heat gun ( I think the real name is a hot air stripper)- that was much quicker, but after a few hours my hand went numb, and the following days I had to keep doing it until my hands and arms were just swollen and painful day and night. And I could taste lead for several days afterwards.
Once I did some stripping I had to start putting the undercoat on the walls in order to be able to start painting before we actually leave for our Easter holidays. I was horrified to hear that a professional painter would ask us 90£/per hour to do the job so I said we would do it. My husband in the meantime was rebuilding the fireplaces, surveying the plumber, buying the missing tiles and other bits and bobs that rebuilding a house implies. It is fun to see him and his father in the B & Q building. They are like kids in a candy store. to be honest, I am starting to have fantasies about doing my own upholstery in the near future, learning how to sew dresses for my daughters and curtains for the house, and I went as far as looking up for courses on designing and building your own furniture. And it took me 5 weeks to decide what colors I’d use for the walls – and about 52 sample tins. Amazingly my husband never complained. I am glad I don’t have a picture of him in this blog as i am quite certain that am army of women would start stalking him.
The scaffoldings were put up this week – 4 days late on the program and by a bunch of very rude people. The roof guys turned up by the end of the week and we’re expecting to see this finished by the end of April- weather permitting of course.
We won’t be able to finish the jobs before our departure but the house is not habitable right now and with 5 kids, it is impossible to take the risk to stay. I am looking forward to moving in. I really like the house and I am trying to do everything by the book. I even had a Feng Shui consultant to make sure that I was covering every aspect, including spiritual safety! Sad but true. And yes my hubby thinks I am a nutter but he still does it.
So more painting is on the cards next week. The lead should be completely erradicated from the premises by then and the plastering of the walls should be dry. We still have two rooms to plaster though – so i shall not see the result before our return.
I find hard to go away. My life is fractionned at the moment. I am trading when I am at my in-laws, working on the house when I am home, trying to catch up with my daughters and my sons during the weekends and tracing material. I never thought I’d be so busy this year. And I have the feeling that time will fly.
But I am a dreamer – and I just can see us all there…

My husband was teasing my eldest daughter ( aged four now) about a month ago. He told her: ” Have you been a good boy today?”. She laughs and she said : ” You know I’m a girl. I have been a good girl today.”
-Are you sure? asked my sweetheart. I thought you were a boy and I was a girl.
-Daddy, came the reply, if you are a woman, the you are a very ugly one!
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Girl power.