Mea culpa. I said I wouldn’t stop trading the Uk market ( aka the FTSE 350) and guess what, I did. It was not an easy decision but since the beginning of the year, I kept playing the yoyo. Of course it was my own fault; I didn’t respect the rules, to start with. When I finally did, the market changed his. I am only joking – but I became conscious that I was able to discipline myself much better when I had a shorter time frame strategy. So I went on my way and met the US indices. So far so good. the strategies are easier to apply and money comes in. I am finally getting consistency – but I wonder if I can do better. Can I learn more? Can I do so without losing what I gained? Should I stick to what I have learned and been successful with – until the day it doesn’t work anymore? Or should I keep learning to try to find more strategies that I can use successfully?
The real one million dollar question is: what do I want out of 1) trading and 2) life?
You see, I made a plan. After a year, I realized I was very naive so I wrote it again. Then I went through a midlife crisis ( I am aiming to die at 86 obviously) and threw everything I knew out of the window. I decided to trade with an open mind; no more ” The market shoulda, have, gotta…” in my mouth. When I started to believe something ( the market is going to crash because…), I immediately jumped on the other side ( the market is going to jump ahead because people like me – probably the majority- think the opposite). That was one more step. Then I came to the conclusion that I had to trust my strategy, play my trade and forget about the rest- and it all became easier. Now that I have reached this step – the Holy Grail is in sight, and guess what again- it is in me), I have to go a bit further.
I love this job. It tells you everything you are and everything you are not. At the end of the day, it is between you and you only. The truth is, you are not judged about your qualities when trading. You are not judged on your intelligence. You are not judged for being nice or bad, good looking or ugly, or any of the things you are used to. you are judged on your ability to make money and this ability comes only from your capacity of reading the market and the traders who play it adequately. It is adequate, let’s be blunt, once you’ve made money and keep making money and are not losing money anymore. That’s the only truth of this game; you win or you lose.
I love the job because it means you have to go beyond yourself in order to get answers. I am not a spiritual person and I bet that you have a lot of non-believers between traders who wish they would. Although of course you’ll find out that despite this, most of them keep praying in outburst almost every day. I suspect that what I like ( beyond making money of course but you’d be surprised how much this plays such a little role in the trading room- when of course it shouldn’t) is the mystery and the quest of the perfect trading strategy/ disciplined attitude/ consistency in winning and the fragile equilibrium between all these elements in order to obtain the perfect harmony and the peace of mind that goes with it. And yes, this is my new excuse, I am an addict.
Now trading takes over your life very easily. I know because I have said so many times lately to my children ” wait a sec, Mama is going to check her trade…” that I felt like a machine. The guilty feeling that accompanies every working mother is no news anymore. But there is a point where I wonder what is the focus of my life and what constitutes the balance in it. Without my husband and my children, my life is not worth living. I have no time for myself and I am constantly struggling to find the minute to feed my hunger of knowledge ( usually done by 11.30 pm when I am about to fall asleep and everybody else in the house is). I haven’t seen a movie in ages and I was able to read a novel while cycling on my bike. What is the point in doing what I do and stop having a life? I have a vague feeling that I should start exploring a more selfish side of me- but so far, I guess I never thought I was worth it.
So here it goes- I am trading every day. I am getting better at it. I am learning a lot too- and I guess I will for the next 20 years at least. I now have to find out how I will do all of this simultaneously. My daughters will be 4 and 3 only once you know.
Life is full of surprises. I am looking forward for the good ones.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s