I have read again and again that only a trader can understand what another trader goes through. Most people have no idea what we are going through day by day and how much self control is required. But the truth is, as long as you’re learning, you will find people around you giving you ( even unwelcomed) advice and people with whom you can exchange ideas. But once you’re starting to hit it and you’re getting better, your only choice is to find someone who does as well as you do and progresses in the same direction – or you end up with a bunch of guys and gals who try to get tips from you and even skype you at 4 am in the morning as long as you leave your computer on to ask silly questions.
So I’ve kept trading every day. And I have learned something new – in this business you should do every day. I learned that once you basically have some knowledge and practice, that you have some form of strategy you can apply with eyes closed because you have backtested it enough, once you have understood that blaming your broker/ politics/ the economy/ heaven/ (…put your own personal regular Nemesis here) is not going to get you anywhere you enter one more phase – I hope the last one. You discover that your are your own enemy.
That’s right. Stick with me because that’s the whole point of this business. It is about money – and money in our society tells a lot about who you are and where you come from. What you get when you become a trader is some insight about your true personality. You discover that you have impulses. Or maybe I should say- I discovered that I can be quite impulsive.
So far I was proud of my attitude. I am learning from my mistakes. I don’t cheat with my money management, I don’t fiddle with my stop losses, I don’t panic on the news and I generally have more than one reason to get in a trade. I am even able to sit on my hands on “those” days- when the markets takes back what it has given you, and probably even more. Then I thought all I need is to refine my strategies , establish some golden rules, and start piling on the pounds ( on my bank account, silly. I am losing the others).
Then I did what I said. I sat on my hands when I thought I should. And after a few days (2 if my memory is good) I started being frustrated so I got in – and got killed. But this is virtual, so I got back in, made a few more mistakes, dropped the idea of making my money back -right-now and things just started to adjust themselves. My confidence was still there so it became a smooth ride.
But I have my own traits of character. And there is one thing I don’t deal very well with at all levels in my life – anger. I don’t need anger management. But I have strong destructive reactions when I am angry. Being well behaved I don’t turn them against the outside world. I know it is very fashionable nowadays, especially if holding a glass of fuel in your hand such as alcohol. But at the end most people end up the same way I do: the greatest violence you commit is against yourself. That’s where the damage is done. Because even though you might be punching someone else, ( something I have never done. I do walls) at the end, what you do is taking a very bad habit that you are going to pay for, one day or another. Trust me on this one, it is a dangerous route and you always find a nasty cul-de-sac at the other side of it. Or someone who punches faster.
So back to the trading world, I became aware that if I miss an opportunity, I am alright with it. Two, I think I am slow today. Three, what’s wrong with me. And the next alarm that fires, I am in, for whatever’s sake. And of course I am wrong. And I get more irritated, and I get into another one. I was so angry the other day that I actually ended up in 8 trades in one day, all of this because the day before I had missed a great day and the morning after, missed two opportunities.
3 of my trades were rotten so it took the 5 others to make things even. And in the process I decided to try to limit the degree of my stupidity if this was at all possible and hang in there until I was done and over with. One of these trades was MGCR- and it made my day the next morning. So I learned 2 things this week. If you get angry, think twice instead of not thinking at all. And if you don’t think, and you get into trades impulsively, start thinking – it is never too late. What I did on that unfortunate day was to cut my losses at the worst trades and let the others run. It did the trick and save my ( 9 lives) neck . But it is not something that I should be stupid enough to do twice. I hope.
Now my next step is anger management.

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