Sorry folks, my life has been taking a very fast curve during these last months and I am afraid I went a bit off road.
First by the end of January I had a health scare. That’s when I learned that cancer is just a bad word, not a sentence. Went through one of these operations that are supposed to last 45 min and leave you with a nifty scar on your belly button but ended up most day in theatre and woke up with three scars that are definitely stopping me from wearing a bikini in public for the rest of my life. It took me some time to recover and half a stone.
The scars of course are not only physical. When you’re being told that there is a nice tumour exploding your ovary and that’s just the beginning of it, one will be – I hope- excused from walking down the street in a cold January afternoon wondering what is going to happen next and just wanting to hold her kids and husband in her arms. I wasn’t inshock, I wasn’t scared, I wasn’t numb but I felt so awfully sorry for my family, with an intense feeling of guilt because my body was letting us all down.
The harsh part is breaking the news and getting organized. The children were sent to school, friends and family in order for me to recover quietly at home. Hubby was at work- in a new place- and the heating had to be changed just then. It took me three months to warm up again. I was taking things as they came, reading my University course – by then I had started my third course and getting ready for my exams on the two first ones-, catching up with petty tasks that I could undertake from my bed and watching enough dvds to my heart content. But most of all, I slept.
Once up and running again- not too much time to think it all over- I went straight into my exams. Six stressful weeks followed by the end of which I had to withdraw from my third course as I had the feeling I was totally missing the point. ( Not the opinion of my tutor or the University administration as I was one the best students of my class). But I came to realise that in order to study economics, I had to understand maths and models and I couldn’t accept just being ” good enough”. So I enrolled straight away on a compulsory course for a degree in finance about developing effective performance at work and another about maths. Of course I thought I would collapse, especially as we were having our windows replaced at the same time- lots of dust, of mess and a house tthat is upside down and noisy.
But you know what- I’m still standing. The house is in the process of being springcleaned, I am back to work and I am at the top of my class with my first assessment. It is a challenging time but it forces me out of my comfort zone. I trust I’m not the only one who has to take a leap of faith towards what the future will bring- so I am ready for all the first steps I will have to take.